The Words from My Dad That Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to addressing the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader failure to talk between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."